Tales from the NICU -- PART IV (Going Home)

Stories from the preterm birth of our daughter, Madeline, in May 2014 -- from my water breaking and hospitalization at 30 weeks, to her birth at 32 weeks, to our 38 day stay in the NICU.

23 JUNE 2014 - 38 DAYS, GOING HOME
 
The end is finally here! (Or the beginning, depending on how you want to look at it…)

Madeline is just over 5 weeks old today (still a full 2 weeks shy of her July 8th due date). She weighs in at just over 6 pounds,and her eyes turned definitively blue yesterday. Most excitingly, she finally gets to come home today!
It’s been exactly 7 weeks since my water broke and I was admitted to the hospital on May 5th, and the past 2 months have been a true test of our faith, our patience, and our strength and unity as a family. 
Some reflections on our time here:

While most new parents are discharged from the hospital almost immediately after giving birth, we’ve had the opportunity to hang around and get really close with our medical team. I am beyond impressed with the health professionals who’ve cared for our daughter – her incredible nurses who work tirelessly to do a job that I never could, and who, by the way, have cared for us nearly as much as (and, on my more challenging days, more than) they’ve cared for Madeline;
the neonatal nurse practitioners who are on staff 24 hours a day, and who are nothing less than brilliant;
the neonatal assessment program team, who have so patiently educated us on all manner of baby care techniques to which I would otherwise have remained oblivious (how many parents get professional training in everything from feeding, to diaper changing, to burping, to infant massage and acupressure...?);
and everyone else who has provided their expertise (lactation consultants, pediatricians, and administrative staff).
Thank you, all, for saving our baby.

Throughout our stay, I have felt genuinely cared for on a personal level. Nurses who were working different units, or assigned to other families have gone out of their way to stop by and connect with us. It’s helped stave off the demoralization and depression that can creep up on you in here, and I will never forget them for that.

Finally, Boulder Community Hospital, itself, is a beautiful facility, and we’ve been quite fortunate to be able to stay here. While this wasn’t my first choice, I don’t have any terrible qualms about this having been Maddie’s first “home.” I haven’t spent my whole time here feeling as if I needed to immediately whisk her away from some awful place. It’s not the worst place to spend the first few weeks of life, and that’s not the case for most NICU facilities. The set up and the amenities have allowed us to begin to develop in to a close family unit and establish a routine, despite the circumstances.

I’ve spent so much of our time here wanting things to be different, wanting it to be over so that we can leave and get started on our journey as a family, only to have to remember, again and again, that this IS the journey – we’re on it already. Perhaps this is just the nature of parenting. Sometimes, it’s just going to be like this – not the way I planned it, challenging, frustrating, but never without its silver linings.

Were I to assign one word to my experience as a whole, it would be “gratitude.” While it’s been a long, sometimes arduous, 7 weeks, I will say that I am, above all else, indescribably grateful. The bottom line is that we get to leave here with a healthy, happy baby girl.
I can’t wait to show Madeline the world, to bring her to her new home, to introduce her to her very first pets, to watch her learn and grow, and to continue to walk her journey with her.
What a gift.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tales From the NICU -- PART III

Stories from the preterm birth of our daughter, Madeline, in May 2014 -- from my water breaking and hospitalization at 30 weeks, to her birth at 32 weeks, to our 38 day stay in the NICU.

16 JUNE 2014 -- ONE MONTH 

Over the past month, baby Madeline has gained about two pounds and grown almost three inches. As of tomorrow, her gestational age will be 37 weeks, officially making her a full term infant (although her due date is still 3 weeks away). 

She no longer looks much like a preemie, but now has the appearance of a very petite, term baby. I'm always astonished at how big she looks to me. However, I saw a full term baby in the hall the other day, and...wow, those fucking things are huge. He looked like her could eat her. I was tempted to ask if he was potty trained already. So...I guess she's still pretty tiny, relatively speaking

In any case, she's still perfect, and beautiful.

Maddie is making excellent progress in the feeding department. She had her first bottle today, and was very successful. I am so proud of how well she's done.
She is completely off oxygen now, and just has her monitors, and her feeding tube. Handling her is not quite like handling your standard-issue newborn; it's a lot to manage -- tubes, and cords, and wires. I wonder how free and easy she will seem when she's rid of all of these instruments.

I'm fighting off a chronic case of "hospital-itis". I've been living here for just over 6 weeks now, which feels like an eternity. Those first few weeks after she was born were marked with significant advancements in rapid succession ("she's extubated!" "She's off the bili lights!" "She's out of the isolette! Hooray!"). But now we're in the "feeding and growing" stage, and I have periods of impatience when I feel like we'll be here forever.
It's a long haul in here. There are countless humbling moments, and I feel as if I'm constantly having to ask for help.

Nevertheless, the end is in sight. I suspect we have one, perhaps two, weeks left before we get to bring her to her new home. I cannot wait!
And of course, I remain extremely grateful for our health, good fortune, and the support we've received.

Happy one month birthday, Baby Madeline!

Tales From the NICUI - PART II

Stories from the preterm birth of our daughter, Madeline, in May 2014 -- from my water breaking and hospitalization at 30 weeks, to her birth at 32 weeks, to our 38 day stay in the NICU.
 
30 MAY 2014 - TWO WEEKS
 
Little Madeline is two weeks old today! (Whoa, time flies! I get the feeling that things are going to start moving very quickly from here on out.) She weighed in at a whopping 4 pounds, 6 ounces last night, and is doing remarkably well.

Maddie has her own crib now, and is finished with most of her major medicinal treatments (antibiotics, bilirubin lights, etc.). The past week has been largely about finding the right balance of oxygen and air pressure to most effectively help her tiny lungs expand and strengthen. She eats exclusively breast milk, and is fed primarily through a feeding tube. She is also learning how to breast feed, and we are all very impressed with how well she’s doing! Her nurses are calling her a “power preemie.” From here forward, her biggest hurdle will be building up the stamina to feed herself without assistance (which may take several more weeks).

Madeline is a very alert and curious baby. She has longer and more frequent periods of wakefulness, and seems to get more beautiful each day. She has a consistent stream of visitors who come to meet her, is steadily meeting all of her grandparents, and will even get to meet (one of) her great grandma(s) next week! We are forever fascinated by her. What a remarkable thing to witness the growth and development of such a tiny, perfect new life!

The NICU experience is a unique and challenging one. Jake and I find ourselves constantly trying to strike that delicate balance between taking responsibility for what’s ours to do, and letting go of what’s not. It’s easy to begin to feel as if we are not her primary caretakers, since she is so well-attended by her nurses. On the other hand, there are so many important things that only we are able to do for her. We each spend several hours each day snuggling with our daughter, skin-to-skin, which is arguably the most important medical treatment she’s receiving. We are also heavily involved in her care (changing diapers, taking temperatures, etc.)

Self-care is beginning to look quite different for us than it ever has in the past, and it’s a huge adjustment; there’s a constant choice between sleeping and eating, it seems. Patience is a necessity in here, and can be difficult to come by – I find myself having, on average, one small meltdown every day (be it from frustration, worry, or just plain exhaustion), which seems to help.

With that said, we are nothing if not eternally grateful for our many good fortunes, and for the health and safety of beautiful little Madeline.
There was a brand new baby brought in to the unit yesterday, and I saw her mommy sitting in her wheelchair next to the table holding hands with her and was instantly moved to tears. I will never in my life forget what that moment was like. What a powerful moment that is, and what an enthralling journey it is from that moment forward -- really, what a miracle!

As always, we thank God for the gift that is baby Madeline, and our friends and family for their continued love and support.

Tales From the NICU - Part I

Stories from the preterm birth of our daughter, Madeline, in May 2014 -- from my water breaking and hospitalization at 30 weeks, to her birth at 32 weeks, to our 38 day stay in the NICU.


17 MAY 2014 - DAY ONE
Good morning! Here's the little one without anything on her face today!

We had a great night, and Madeline is doing beautifully. Her breathing tubes were removed, and she looks so far like she will need much less assistance.

Since I didn't get to tell the story yesterday of how she came to join us 8 weeks early....at about 1:30pm, after a quiet day up until then, I started having moderate lower back pain. I figured it was nothing, but remembered that back pain was one of the things I'd been warned about, so I called a nurse. We put the baby on the monitor, and found that her heart rate was periodically dipping down -- like, WAY down, in to the 80's. Within 10 minutes, the  doctor on call was in my room.
 
"You need to have your baby."
"Now?"
"Now.  Call your husband, get him down here. This kid is not going to tolerate labor at all. We're going to need to do an emergency cesarean. I'm going to go let the nursery know, and prep for surgery. I'll see you in the operating room in 15 minutes."
Jake made it to the hospital 7 minutes from the time I called him. Even so, he was chasing after us, pulling an scrubs in the hallway as they wheeled me in to the OR.

By 3:45, we had had a very successful emergency cesarean section. The baby came out with a fierce little cry, but quickly got tired trying to breathe on her own. She was intubated overnight, extubated this morning, and is doing very well on her own now.

Of course, our medical team is incredible, and they've been doing an amazing job with her. They say she is quite the little rock star.
The neonatal intensive care unit here is SO COOL. They baby has her very own private room, which is attached to our very own private room, which has a queen-sized bed in it. We will be allowed to stay here until she is ready to come home with us.

She is the smallest baby I've ever seen in real life at 3 pounds 14 ounces, but is easily the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. I'm still recovering from surgery, but hanging in there alright. We are very much looking forward to being able to hold her this afternoon.